Why I've been MIA

I know it's been a while since I've blogged, been on twitter, or really done anything at all, so I figured I'd give an explanation as to why. Off and on since I was 14, I've had times where I have battled with depression (I've never fully understood that expression.  If it's a battle, I need to sign up for combat training). Anyway, one of the reasons why I work so hard to try and find the positives in life is that my natural tendency is to let life bring me down so badly that I'm often suicidal.  That's really not easy for me to admit.  However, this is what I've learned about my mental stability over the last few weeks.  I don't have to be strong on my own.  The reason I've been absent from the computer is because I've made sure I've filled my time with friends.  Real people who I can interact with. 
They're why I've survived the past month.  I'm finally being honest with these friends.  I'm no longer wearing the mask that says I'm ok while quietly going crazy on the inside.  Honestly, I've been terrified all my adult life that if people knew what I was really thinking, I would lose friends.  The most amazing thing about the friends I have: I have gotten better support than I could've even begun to dream of.  Not one of them treated me like I needed to go on meds or see a therapist.  They treated me exactly as they always have (mostly with making fun of me, drinking a few beers and laughing at ridiculous things in all of our lives).
I can't say that I'm 100% better, but I'm working with my doctor now to try and find a solution so that I'm not feeling like I'm going to crack any more. I know things are on their way up, and while I still have bad days they are getting farther and farther apart.  So for my wonderful friends (and you know who you are) thanks for keeping me sane, thanks for being you, and thanks for helping me find my way back.