Letter to my boss

So this week, I finally decided to deal with all the frustrations I've been having at work. (So you know, I teach a one-year-old preschool class, and both of my children are in different classes there.) Here is the email I wrote to my boss:

"I wanted to tell you about some concerns that I'm having about Thomas' class.  Sorry that this has to be in email, but there never seems to be an opportune time to discuss this with you at work.

First, let me begin by saying that I know that his teacher loves Thomas and is doing the best she can with him.  I understand that he is a difficult child to deal with.  I get frustrated with him too.  However, many of my concerns go beyond his behavior. For example, he hasn't had an opportunity to go to the playground in a month. Each day during their playground time they go for a stroller ride rather than playing.  To me, this is unacceptable.  Kids need to play.  I had no idea when I signed him up for this school that he would be denied that opportunity. Quite frankly, if I were sending Thomas to another school and that were the only concern on my list, it would be enough for me to be looking for another daycare right now.  I honestly can't understand how this practice is allowed.

My next concern deals with the end of the day.  I'm a little confused as to why I pick him up from another teacher's room.  I typically pick him up by 1:40 at the latest.  Why have they already been moved to another room?  Thomas is clearly not handling this transition well as he is in time out almost every afternoon when I go to get him.  The new teacher seems very unhappy with him.  The entire pick up process is frustrating because I am immediately met by how 'bad' he's been.  At the end of my day, any good feelings that I may have from work and what great things have gone on in my class have disappeared because I am met by how awful my child has been that day.  It's to the point where I leave very frustrated every day.  I honestly hate that.  I am very saddened that I can't pick up my child and hear one good thing.  If all I'm hearing is bad, what is Thomas hearing all day? I can't allow him to be in an environment where he is constantly made to feel bad about himself.  Yes, he gets in trouble and there have to be consequences for that, but is that all that's ever focused on?

Lastly, I am struggling to understand his daily reports that are supposed to come home each day.  I say supposed to because most days I don't get a report.  Last week, Thomas hadn't pooped in 2 days.  I really needed to know what he had done through the day so I could know if he was having stomach issues. I got no report. If I do get one, there are no comments except for his time outs. At the beginning of the school year, you came to me and asked me to make sure that I always have something positive to say on my sheets because parents are sensitive and want to hear something good so that they don't get upset.  Even though I'm a teacher here, I'm a parent too.  I have heard nothing positive yet.

If Thomas were in daycare someplace that I wasn't also a teacher, or even if he was in a class where I am not part of the team, I would discuss all this with his teacher first.  However, I have been put in the awkward position of being coworkers with his teacher.  I am trying to find a balance of doing what's best for my son while still maintaining a positive relationship with my team. I honestly don't know what is the right thing to do."

Am I wrong? Are my concerns just me being crazy mom? I am so paranoid about becoming 'that mom' that no teacher ever wants my kids in their class. I feel like I did the right thing by standing up for my kid, but I still have this nagging guilt about complaining at all. I especially feel like I'm being the crazy mom since that's pretty much how I was treated the next day at work. I had a meeting with my boss where I was told first that I was wrong, that they had gone to the playground... one day this month. Then I was told that I should have brought all of this stuff up before.  I have.  This is actually my third attempt to discuss my concerns with the school. The other two were blown off, which is why I decided this one needed to be in print. The final straw, however, was when I walked in on my boss reading my email to Thomas' teacher. Really? If I had wanted to email her, I could have.  Argh!! I don't know if I'm more or less frustrated after all of this but at least I've said all I needed to say.  What they do with it is their issue.

Ok, here's the positive: while I'm still learning, I am at least finally telling people how I feel. I may need to work on not feeling guilty about it, but baby steps, people! So this week was the best week ever, because I was able to complain to my boss. 

Halloween Party!!!

Ok, if you know me at all, you know that Halloween is my favorite holiday.  Seriously, what's not to like? You're not obligated to spend it with family.  You don't have to shop for presents.  You don't have to cook a ridiculous meal.  There's no travel involved. You don't have to pretend like you care about some event that happened however many years ago.  It's singular purpose is having a good time. And when it comes to my parties, I always have a good time!

I spent two weeks decorating.  I know that sounds like a lot of time, but I do have a 2 and a 1 year old.  I only get about 20 minutes of free time a day to decorate! I think the house looked pretty good when it was all finished:

Then there was the food.  Again, I have two crazy kids, so I knew planning was key.  I made one item a day for a week. Let me tell you, that I made any food at all should make everyone scared. I DON'T COOK. I shouldn't be allowed to cook.  So, all of my food contained four or less ingredients.  How bad could I mess that up?

 Monster feet cookies, peanut butter eyeballs, bone sandwiches, cheese fingers, caramel corn trail mix... yum! All failed to live up to Sara's amazing chocolate ganache cake,  complete with orange spider. 

Ok, so all the preparations were done... and Saturday dragged on FOREVERRR! Luckily, I had wonderful help (Thanks Matt, Sara, and Mike!) And we could finally get our party on!

Aren't we cute? The party was awesome (if I do say so myself). And it went off without much incident.  As one would expect, the woman wearing the least amount of clothing won best costume.

Although, personally I think it should have been this guy:

I mean, really... if you've got the confidence to show up in drag and admit that your mama dressed you, you deserve to win something!

The rest of the night is mostly a blur of beer pong, jell-o shots, and really odd photos. I looked through my camera the next morning to find many pictures of boobs... none of which were mine and none of which I took, so...

Luckily, Sara (/Mike) got a good photo of the whole mommy crew.

All in all it was a fabulous party... I mean it has to be when you end up wearing someone else's shoes, right?!?

Make love, not war

This week I joined Twitter and am still slowly trying to figure it all out.  I mean, I understand the basic principles of the thing, I just don't really know how to use it in a practical sense for my life.  I have 'met' many new friends and connected with some old ones.  I have found new sites to visit and new blogs to read.  The blogs are where I started to struggle... Through many of my readings, I have found so much sadness. People who are dealing with the loss of a loved one, people who are being tormented because of their lifestyle or beliefs, people who are just plain mean for no comprehensible reason. Between the blog posts, twitter, facebook, and the news, my heart began to ache. Then I remembered, it's supposed to be the best week ever. And it is the best week ever. I know to people who are dealing with pains, this sounds so trivial, but just go with it until I reach my point.

My son turned 2 this week. When he is grown, will I tell him about the off-color jokes that were made about the Chilean miners rescue, or will I tell him about how people came together to save lives? Will I tell him about the ignorant gay bashing, or of how proud I was of the friends who had the courage to come out this week.  Will I tell him of the meanness, or of the love?

I pray daily for a future where all people can live without fear.  I hope for a time when ignorance is trumped by intelligence and intolerance is trumped by tolerance LOVE.  I am not naive enough to think that people will start changing overnight.  However, I am going to do my part.  I am going to teach my children to love.  I am going to teach my children that it's not about right or wrong. It's about loving and loving well. 


Ok, I said I would get to the point and this is it: I don't know with 100% certainty that I will be able to take back anger tomorrow.  I can't fully say that I can put off teaching my child about love because tomorrow will be better. I can't control any of that. I also can't control the meanness in others. I can't make the world start acting with kindness. I can't take away other people's pain. What I can control is my attitude.  What I can change is the way my children view others.  I can make sure that my life keeps them from perpetuating this system of hatred towards others. I can make this week the best week ever, because I want my children to have the best week of their lives EVERY week. And, while I cannot guarantee that every week will be perfect, I can work like hell to make it the best for them.

This week is the best week ever because when my son grows up, I can tell him the week he turned 2 was a week we chose to focus on love. It is the week I made the conscious decision to not only to try to keep him from harm, but also to do my best to teach him not to harm others. 

(I promise, not all weeks will be this heavy, but it was what was on my heart... next week: Halloween party!)

And so it begins

Several weeks ago... wait I have to go further back than that. A little less than a year ago, I started a moms group. I had no idea how this group would change my life. As a new mom, I was desperate for friends.  It’s amazing how as soon as you have kids, so many of your former friends just disappear. Not that it was any one's fault but my own, it just happened.  I was no longer working, so my whole social strata just disappeared.  Luckily, the moms I found in my new group are fabulous.  In truth, when I started in the mommy group endeavor, I was scared.  I know what I had in my head for the typical stay-at-home mom, and I knew that I would have nothing in common with that woman. I love my kids, but they aren’t my whole world.  I wanted to find women that would be of that same mind.  I wanted to find women with whom I could have a drink or two (or three or four). I wanted to find women that would NEVER own a pair of “mom jeans.” I wanted to find women that could laugh with me rather than give me advice on how to fix it when Thomas yells obscenities due to mispronunciations of the word truck. In these women, I got better than I could have ever hoped for.

One of these amazing women writes a blog (Sara Plays House).  She is constantly trying to get others to write blogs as well.  I don’t think she understands that none of us will ever be able to be as awesome as she is. Actually, strike that.  Knowing Sara, she already knows it. Regardless, I balked at the idea of ever writing a blog.  This brings us to a few weeks ago...

 

My fabulous friends were throwing me a party on Saturday. I was getting my 2nd tattoo on Wednesday. One of my favorite cousins was coming for a whole week visit.  We had several awesome play dates planned for the kids.  My brother was turning 30. All sorts of fantastic things were happening.  So the week was dubbed "Best Week Ever." It is amazing how positive thinking can make or break you.  That week really was a fantastic week from start to finish.  Not that I didn't have my share of frustrations.  On one of the days, I ran out of gas on the way in to work, and while I was waiting for my superman to come save me, Iris had a total melt-down and Thomas threw up all over the back seat.  However, knowing it was the best week ever made me see the positive in it all.  My exact facebook post for the day: "Best week ever, day 3: Ran out of gas today which made me learn three things:  1. My gas gauge doesn't work (one more reason for a new car) 2. I work with the most amazing, understanding, and caring women! 3. I have an awesome husband that always bails me out of crazy situations. (ok, I already knew that last one, but it bears repeating!) It's incredible how great life is!!"

After, quite simply, the best birthday party anyone has ever thrown for me, I thought: why should I ever come down from this high? Seriously, I live a great life.  I’m not trying to sound like I’m bragging, but I am blessed with a fantastic life.  Yes, crap happens that is frustrating, hurtful, and sad, but if I had a giant life scale that weighed the good against the bad it would look like Chris Farley and Nicole Richie on a teeter-totter.  

So, between Sara nagging about a blog, and my realization that I should record all of this awesomeness, Jaime’s Best Week Ever was born.  Now you know why this week, and every week, will forever be my best week ever.  Because quite simply and very cliche, life is short.  I’m gonna enjoy it. 

 Sara, Me, Jessica

 You know it's a good party when twirling dresses are involved.